indy, memorial day, and work

So... this is just a quick update. More on most of these things later on, some time.

INDY 500: was amazing! We had a rain delay in the middle of the race, and then it got called later on when the rain picked up again, but the race day was SO much fun and everyone had a really good time. I loved having my baby there with me, I think she had a great time, too.

MEMORIAL DAY BBQ: was ALSO amazing! So many good people were there. Some people were total asshole bitches, and you know who you are, but for the most part, I was very glad to see everyone there.

WORK: is FANTASTIC this week. I've been SO productive, and today I got my shirts! I finally have OLLS shirts of my own, and I don't look like an idiot wearing non-uniform shirts to gigs! Yeah!

Ok, so that's about it for now. I'm updating from work, and I wanna get out of here soon. Things with Rachel have been really good lately, and with everything else going so well, I'm very happy with life in general.

jim & abby's bbq

So, last night, Rachel and I had another fight. It was kinda weird because there was yelling, but it ended in crying, and we both fell asleep for a little while. Then I woke up in the morning more in love with her than ever before. I feel so weird. I need to really try to take my zoloft on a more regular basis, because I get weird like this when I forget to take it.

Tonight Rachel, Tom, Milena, and me went to Jim and Abby's for a barbecue cookout, and it was SO much fun. I had only met Jim's kid Bailey, but tonight I met Dylan, Jimmy, and Dakota, and they're all so sweet. I had a great time, and it kinda made me feel like maybe everything will be ok between me and rachel in the long run. I hope so. I love her.

sad

I dunno what's wrong with me. Rachel and I had another fight tonight. She had come over after shopping at Meijer to spend the night, and instead of welcoming her into my arms, I lectured her on how she needs to learn how to park. She got mad at me for it, and the I just blew her off, and of course, she left. I don't know how to make this better. I don't know why I do this, and then immediately regret it. Am I just inherently an asshole? Will this always be a part of me? I want things to be ok again. I want to be able to sleep soundly, knowing that my love is next to me, not crying and upset, alone in her room.

weird

so, I wrote that post two hours ago. Now, thinking about it, I'm not really as happy to be leaving ccm as I thought I would be. I think my depression is starting to take hold of me again, maybe. It happens with major life changes sometimes. I feel so... crushed. I feel like something that has been a part of me for four years is just going to die and fall away. There are so many people I care about that I don't want to lose touch with, but I'm already starting to. People have already started to leave for jobs, and I never even got to say goodbye.

When I feel like this, I can't sleep, and I can't think of anything to do. I just want to sit and cry, but there's nothing really to cry about. I just feel really crappy and sad.

done... mostly

So, Werther is over. Strike went amazingly fast. Well, amazingly faster than anyone thought it would. The crew was cut by 1:30 or so, and Rep plot focus was done around 2:15, and we were out of the building at 2:30, almost on the dot. That's pretty incredible considering everyone expected strike itself to last until at least 4am. My crew was awesome, and I was glad to give them all the custom maglites I had ordered as a crew gift. The run was relatively problem-free, and I'm glad that I can actually be very proud of my last show at CCM, instead of grumpy and disgusted like I was by Pajama Game. I think that has a lot to do with having a very capable designer like Jon in charge of the show, instead of that dumb cunt bitch that designed PJ game.

Anyway... back to work today, full-time, this time for real. I have to finish up a couple more hours of paintlab, but not a big deal, and I have to finish my capstone binder. Other than that, nothing left at CCM.

Oh yeah, sunday was my birthday. I'm 23 now. Fucking weird.

so, then...

Well, it's been kinda crazy. Things at work are going well. Werther is being fucking crazy, as predicted. I love Rachel, as usual, and I'm tired of school, as usual. I just felt like I should update, but right now I'm sitting in the workroom on a day full of NOTHING and I have to be here simply because the ALDs don't know how to troubleshoot without getting me on radio, so I'm bored. Thank goodness for DVDs and lappys.