So, I did feel better. Really, I did.
But, as is typical with my life, I can't ever just be happy. I have to find some way to screw things up. So, instead of being a mature adult and answering a simple question that Rachel asked me honestly, I lied. And then I got mad at her. And said something really horrible to her. And now I might lose her, and it's my fault.
I can't believe how my anger still... surfaces. And destroys my life. After everything I've worked on... in an instant... I can just go from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye and destroy something beautiful and wonderful. I love her so much... how could I do that? Why does that happen? Why can't I just get something turned off in me that won't make me angry anymore? Why is this a part of me? Is it a cruel joke from God? Something to keep me perpetually miserable? Constantly rebuilding and then destroying my life? Why can't I be normal?
